Crash Bandicoot Nazza Style
by Nazza
Summary: Aku Aku, and masks! Insanity! Luigi!
1. 1 Insanity Beach

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. The song Crash sings at the start is the Crash version of "19/2000" by RexRock/ Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/ Link and all related Zelda stuff belong to some company owned by Nintendo/ Nazza is my own creation (obviously)  
  
[CHAPTER 1: INSANITY BEACH]  
  
  
  
Crash Bandicoot was sitting on the beach, listening to his Discman.  
  
'There's a doctor in the castle watching bandicoots prevail Now caught up in his fury with his losses and his fails Now he plans elimination so there's not that much to lose Please repeat my message, it's the warp room that we choose.'  
  
While he was singing, he looked up as he saw a distant explosion in the distance. Over from one of the distant islands billowed thick smoke. He saw a bluish speck flying through the air. As it got closer he could hear it shouting.  
  
As Crash continued watching, he realized that the blue thing was in fact a blue wolf, and that it would land in the nearby trees of Insanity Beach. He stood up, and turned down the volume as the blue wolf flew downwards and landed, as Crash had guessed, in the nearby trees.  
  
'Whoa,' said Crash, turning the Discman off and leaving it in the sand. He ran over to where the wolf had fell, which was about two metres off the ground. 'Are you alright?'  
  
The wolf recovered from his position on the tree, jumped down, and said 'Yeah.'  
  
'What happened?' Crash asked. 'Who are you?'  
  
'Well,' said the wolf. 'For starters, my name's Nazza. I was in this volcano one of those islands over there, and suddenly it erupted, and before I could get out of the way a big pocket of air picked me up and threw me.'  
  
'And you landed here?' asked Crash.  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'I landed in another volcano, which erupted, and I was thrown up into the air again.'  
  
'And you landed here?' Crash guessed.  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'Then I landed on this catapult over there which launched me up into the air, and over here.'  
  
'But -' said Crash. 'But what about the explosion?'  
  
'I think a volcano on that island erupted when I landed on the catapult.' Nazza looked around. 'Where am I?'  
  
'You're on Insanity Beach,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza was about to say something when a helicopter flew from the billowing smoke and over their heads. 'Damn!' Nazza shouted. 'That's the guy I was after when I got blasted over here!'  
  
'I think he's going to another island,' said Crash, 'but I can take you to a wharf, and they can take you to the island he's at (hopefully).'  
  
'Okay,' said Nazza. 'Let's go then.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'So,' said Crash, 'what were you doing when the volcano erupted?'  
  
'Well,' said Nazza, 'I was on the other island, and this guy called Cortex, he had attacked the town I was staying at.'  
  
'Dr Neo Cortex?' asked Crash.  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'Doctor Miniscule Cortex, Neo's brother.'  
  
'Oh, I see,' said Crash. 'As you were saying?'  
  
'Well, Doctor Miniscule Cortex had attacked the town I was staying at, at the time. He tried to drop several bombs on the city from a hot-air balloon, except they weren't actual bombs, only water bombs.'  
  
'Hang on, I think I've heard of this "Miniscule Cortex" guy,' said Crash. 'Oh yeah, he was the one who tried to use a vacuum to stretch his - '  
  
'Yes, well, as I was saying, he was dropping water bombs on the town, and even though they weren't real bombs, they were annoying the heck out of everyone. So I decided to get even with this guy.  
  
'So I climbed this steep cliff, and as Cortex floated by, I jumped into his hot-air balloon. "What are you doing?" he shouted. "I am busy!"  
  
' "This is for dropping water bombs on the city!" I shouted. With that, I grabbed one from his stash and slammed it into his face.  
  
' "Aargh!" cried Cortex. "The water burns my face! You will pay for that! Even if you don't have any money!" With that he grabbed a water bomb and threw it at me. I jumped, and it missed. "Oh well," said Cortex. "I'll just have to kill you then!"  
  
'He jumped at me, and before I could get out of the way, he tried to make me fall off the hot-air balloon.'  
  
'What happened after that?' Crash asked.  
  
'I fell off the hot-air balloon,' stated Nazza.  
  
'Really?' said Crash. 'Did you get injured?'  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'Luckily I fell onto a tree, and jumped at the hot-air balloon. I managed to grab onto the side of it, but as I was half-way through climbing up, Miniscule Cortex turned around, saw me, and started throwing water bombs at my hands.'  
  
'How come?' asked Crash.  
  
'I'm not sure,' Nazza replied. 'I think he was trying to get me to let go.  
  
'Anyway, after a while Cortex realised that throwing water bombs at my hands didn't do anything, so he started throwing them in my face.'  
  
'What did you do?' asked Crash.  
  
'I said "Stop throwing them in my face!"  
  
'But he wouldn't stop, so I closed my eyes and climbed up into the hot-air balloon.'  
  
'Why didn't he try hitting your hands with his fists?' Crash asked.  
  
'I'm not sure,' said Nazza. 'I don't think he thought of that.  
  
'Anyway, I climbed up into the hot-air balloon, and swung a punch at Cortex. I ended up bursting a water bomb he had in his hand. I ducked as he threw a water bomb at me, then jumped and grabbed onto that dangly-thing that was heating the balloon. Cortex grabbed a few water bombs and threw them up at me. I dodged, and they put out the flame.'  
  
'What happened after that?' asked Crash.  
  
'I said, "You idiot, they put out the flame!" The balloon started folding inwards, and we went plunging down to the ground. I landed in a volcano, and it erupted, and.well, you know the rest.'  
  
'So that's what happened,' said Crash, nodding his head wisely. 'I'm Crash Bandicoot. You must've heard of me.'  
  
Nazza stared blankly at Crash for a few seconds.  
  
'You know, Neo Cortex mutated me, then I broke free and defeated him?'  
  
Nazza continued to stare blankly.  
  
'I have five freaking games out based on me!' said Crash frustratedly.  
  
'Oh,' said Nazza, nodding slowly. 'So you're an actor.'  
  
Crash sighed. 'No, I'm not an actor. I actually did defeat Cortex, on several occasions!'  
  
'Oh,' said Nazza, nodding slowly. 'I get it now. I think.'  
  
'Good,' said Crash. The two walked for a few moments in silence, then out of the bushes burst a Venus fly-trap flower that snapped at the two. Crash spun around and chopped its head off.  
  
'Oh, you're the spinning bandicoot!' said Nazza. 'I remember you now!'  
  
Crash looked around to see if there were anymore Venus fly-trap flowers ready to attack them. 'There don't seem to be any more flora around that will try and attack us.'  
  
'I hope not,' said Nazza. 'Because then I might not have an escort.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'When will we get out of this forest?' asked Nazza.  
  
'In a while,' Crash replied. 'A long while, you might like to know.'  
  
'Okay,' said Nazza. 'Is it always this boring?'  
  
'What do you mean by boring?' asked Crash, as he jumped over one of the many holes in the path that led to death.  
  
'I mean,' said Nazza, jumping over the same hole, 'I'm used to battling enemies, working out puzzles, it's my adventuring nature.'  
  
'I have an adventuring nature,' said Crash, as he watched a stone wheel that was moving from one side of the path to the other on a rail. Crash jumped through when it was on the other side. 'But not all of this island is very adventurous.'  
  
Nazza jumped through, and his toes missed getting hit by the wheel. Only by a few inches, though. 'There aren't any enemies though,' said Nazza. 'I'm a traveller. I like to explore. I belong to a band of other adventurers, did you know that?'  
  
'No, I didn't,' said Crash. He jumped on a box, burst it, and ate the Wumpa fruit inside.  
  
'I've been through many "first levels",' said Nazza. 'This one would have to be the most boring.'  
  
'Even boring compared to Pokemon?' asked Crash.  
  
'Probably not,' said Nazza. 'It might be, because I've never played Pokemon.'  
  
'I went to Kanto and Johto once,' said Crash. 'For a holiday. It was a bit annoying, what with Ash and Misty and all those annoying animals jumping at you, but it's alright I guess.'  
  
Nazza rolled his eyes.  
  
'How come you're not with the band of adventurers?' asked Crash.  
  
'Sometimes I take a break,' said Nazza. 'Sometimes we all split up, to give ourselves the chance to meet new people, have new adventures, stuff like that.'  
  
'I don't have a band of adventurers,' said Crash. 'All I have is -'  
  
Before he could continue, a bandicoot ran out of the bushes and tackled him. '- my little sister,' Crash concluded. He tried to push the girl bandicoot off, but couldn't. 'Could you give me a hand here?'  
  
'Sure,' said Nazza. He grabbed the girl bandicoot, pulled her off Crash and threw her a few feet ahead of them onto the dirt path.  
  
'Why do you have to do that?' asked Crash.  
  
'Hi, my name's Coco,' said the girl bandicoot, ignoring Crash. 'Who are you?'  
  
'I'm Nazza,' the blue wolf replied. 'Your brother here is helping me get back at Cortex.'  
  
'Doctor Neo Cortex?' asked Coco.  
  
'No, Doctor Miniscule Cortex,' Nazza told her.  
  
'Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?' nagged Coco.  
  
'Crash?' asked Nazza.  
  
Crash sighed. 'Okay, but no tackling us, no injuring us, no knocking stuff onto us, no throwing stuff at us, no pushing stuff onto us -'  
  
'I get the point,' said Coco.  
  
Crash and Nazza started walking, and so did Coco. Crash started walking faster, and so did Nazza, leaving Coco behind. She ran to catch up with them, so Crash started running, and Nazza ran like a wolf, and Coco ran as fast as she could.  
  
'Hey! No fair!' she cried, stopping. 'I can't run as fast!'  
  
'Look behind you,' shouted Crash.  
  
Both Nazza and Coco looked behind, and saw a giant boulder rolling their way. 'Aargh!' screamed Coco, starting to run harder than she'd ever ran before. Nazza ran, as fast as the fastest dog in the world, and ended up leaving Crash a fair bit behind.  
  
Nazza reached a small tunnel made by rock, small enough that the boulder would just hit it and stop. He turned around, and saw Coco running really hard, but the boulder was catching up to her.  
  
'Help!' she cried. 'Someone help me!'  
  
Crash looked back futilely. Nazza knew what he had to do.  
  
He galloped at full speed, and just before Coco got ran over by the boulder, grabbed her and threw her on his back, and sped off to the tunnel. He overlapped Crash, who was know only a few feet from the tunnel.  
  
Coco climbed off Nazza's back, and the three watched as the boulder hit the rock tunnel and stopped.  
  
'That was a close one,' said Crash.  
  
'Yes, very close,' said Nazza. 'It's only about two metres away from us.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The three walked slowly, still out of breath from the boulder situation.  
  
'How come you're after Doctor Miniscule Cortex?' asked Coco.  
  
'It's a long story,' said Nazza. 'But basically, he tried to attack the city I was staying at, and then I fell into a volcano because of him, and it erupted, and I was thrown up into the air, and well.that's how I got here.'  
  
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'I remember, I was listening to the Discman at the time.damn! My Discman! I'll have to go back and get it!'  
  
Crash turned around, and was about to leave when Coco said, 'One step ahead of you, bro.' She pulled a Discman out of her backpack. 'I realised you'd left it behind and picked it up.'  
  
'Oh,' said Crash, taking the Discman. 'Thanks, I guess.'  
  
'How long before we're out of this place?' asked Nazza. 'What is it called, by the way?'  
  
'We're still in Insanity Beach,' said Crash.  
  
'But this isn't a beach,' said Nazza.  
  
'I know,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza shook his head. 'Not only is this place boring, but it's inaccurate as well.'  
  
Just then Link jumped out of the forest. 'This place isn't inaccurate.'  
  
'Link!' said Nazza. 'Aren't you from Zelda?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Link, 'why?'  
  
'This isn't any place from Zelda,' said Nazza.  
  
'In fact, this is a place in Crash Bandicoot,' said Crash matter-of-factly.  
  
'So this place isn't Kokiri Forest?' asked Link.  
  
'Nope, this is Insanity Beach,' said Crash.  
  
'Right here? In this forest?' asked Link.  
  
'Yes, all of this forest is also called Insanity Beach,' said Crash.  
  
'Jeez, I guess it is inaccurate,' said Link. 'Can you tell me where Kokiri Forest really is?'  
  
'No, sorry,' said Crash.  
  
'I do!' said Coco. 'Just follow the path back to the beach, then swim north- east and you'll find Kokiri Forest, okay?'  
  
'Thanks,' said Link. He ran back along the path, and a swarm of cuccos emerged and chased him.  
  
'Oh, and watch out for the boulder blocking the road!' shouted Crash.  
  
'I never knew you played Zelda,' said Nazza.  
  
'What are you talking about?' asked Coco. 'I've been to Kokiri Forest for a holiday. I also visited Lon Lon Ranch.'  
  
'That explains a few things,' said Nazza.  
  
'Coco doesn't play video games,' Crash whispered. 'She doesn't know she co- stars in Crash 3, or Crash Team Racing, or Crash Bash.'  
  
'That explains a few more things,' said Nazza.  
  
After a few seconds of thinking, Coco said, 'Oh, I get what you mean now. No, I haven't played against Zelda at any sports.'  
  
'Oh, okay,' said Nazza, going along with it. 'Neither have I.'  
  
'How much longer do we have?' asked Coco.  
  
'We'll probably get out of this forest before night time,' said Crash.  
  
'Good,' said Nazza.  
  
'Why? Are you afraid of the dark?' asked Crash.  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'I just want to get out of here.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Crash looked in the distance. 'Yes!' he shouted, running along the path.  
  
'What?' asked Nazza, who started running, trying to catch up to Crash.  
  
'Hey! Wait for me!' cried Coco. She was the last to get to what Crash had seen.  
  
'What is it?' asked Nazza.  
  
'It's a warp pad, I think,' said Coco.  
  
'It'll transport us to the next level,' said Crash. He jumped onto it, and funny lights started spinning around the pad. There was a flash, and Crash had disappeared.  
  
'Ladies first,' said Nazza. Coco hopped on the pad, and in a flash she was gone. 'Here goes nothing,' Nazza said, jumping onto the pad. 


	2. 2 Great Gate

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/ The Simpsons, Homer Simpson and any related stuff belongs to Matt Groening (I think)/ Nazza is my own creation (obviously)  
  
[CHAPTER 2: GREAT GATE]  
  
  
  
Nazza reappeared to see a giant wall, made of giant wooden stakes. 'Where are we?' he asked.  
  
'We're at the Great Gate,' Crash announced.  
  
'Do we have to climb that?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Yep,' said Crash.  
  
'We do it all the time,' Coco told him.  
  
'But, I'm not a cat,' said Nazza.  
  
'Neither are we,' said Coco.  
  
'How do we get up then?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Using the platforms and elevators and everything,' said Crash.  
  
'This sounds more interesting than Insanity Beach,' said Nazza. 'But I don't see any platforms or elevators.'  
  
'Follow us,' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Nazza followed Crash and Coco as they walked along the gigantic (and I mean HUGE) wooden wall.  
  
'Who decided to put this here?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Neo Cortex,' said Crash.  
  
'How come?' asked Nazza. 'I could understand if it was Miniscule Cortex, because he's an idiot, but Neo did it. How come?'  
  
'To keep me from getting to him,' said Crash.  
  
'Why does he want that?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Because.it's a long story,' said Crash. 'And this story's going to be long regardless of whether I tell my story or not. So I won't.'  
  
'Oh well,' said Nazza. 'I could tell adventures longer than this story.'  
  
'No you couldn't,' said Coco.  
  
'Yes I could,' said Nazza.  
  
'No you can't,' said Coco.  
  
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.  
  
'No you ca -' Coco was interrupted by Crash, who was glaring at her. 'How come you're glaring at me and not Nazza?'  
  
'Because you started it!' said Crash.  
  
'No I didn't,' said Coco.  
  
'Yes you did,' said Crash.  
  
'No I didn't,' said Coco.  
  
'Yes you did,' said Crash.  
  
'No I di-' Coco was interrupted by Nazza, who was attempting to climb the wall with his own claws. He could only climb a few metres before he would fall down, then try again, then fall down.  
  
'Nazza! You can't climb up that wall!' said Crash.  
  
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.  
  
'No you can't,' said Crash.  
  
'Yes I can!' said Nazza.  
  
'If you could,' Crash told him, 'you would have to jump back down again and you would die.'  
  
'No, I'd just climb back down,' said Nazza, who was now as high as he'd ever climbed in his life.  
  
'You'd fall,' shouted Crash.  
  
'No I wouldn't,' said Nazza. 'Just you wait, I'll show you, I'll -'  
  
Nazza came crashing to the ground.  
  
'Ow, my back,' he moaned.  
  
There was a ringing sound that came from Coco's pants. 'What's that?' asked Crash.  
  
'It's my mobile,' said Coco.  
  
'You have a mobile?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Yes, I do,' said Coco. 'You've gotta keep with the times, you know.'  
  
'So do you have the Internet?'  
  
'What the hell is "Internet"?'  
  
'You're not very good at keeping up with the times,' Nazza said.  
  
'Ssh!' whispered Crash. 'She still thinks it's the 80's!'  
  
'Yeah right,' said Nazza. 'As if she thinks it's still the 80's.'  
  
'Yeah, we're living in the 80's!' said Coco.  
  
Nazza stared blankly at her. 'Tell me your joking.'  
  
'I told you to ssh,' said Crash quietly.  
  
'Okay, my back feels better now,' said Nazza. 'Where's the nearest platform?'  
  
'Follow me,' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was a long walk along-side the wall. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.  
  
'No,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza looked around for a while. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.  
  
'No,' said Crash.  
  
They continued walking. 'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.  
  
'What would you say if I said "Yes"?' asked Crash.  
  
'I'd say "I can't see any platform anywhere", probably,' said Nazza.  
  
'So if you saw the platform would you ask me if we were near the platform?' asked Crash.  
  
'How the hell would I know?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Because we're near the platform,' said Crash.  
  
'I can't see any platform anywhere,' said Nazza.  
  
'There it is,' said Coco, pointing at a platform sticking out of the wall.  
  
'Are we near the platform yet?' asked Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The platform was about a metre off the ground. It was held up by a single pole in the middle of the platform.  
  
Nazza, Coco and Crash climbed up onto it. 'Where's the next platform?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Here,' said Crash, climbing up onto another platform in front of the first one. This one was about one metre above the first platform.  
  
'Oh, I see now,' said Nazza. 'The platforms go up and up and up till the top.'  
  
'Yes,' said Crash. 'Except we can't climb over the other side when we get to the top.  
  
'Why not?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Because their aren't any platforms on the other side of the wall,' said Crash.  
  
'I could just climb down then,' said Nazza.  
  
'Remember when you tried climbing up the wall and you slipped?' said Crash.  
  
'Nope,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When the reached the top platform, Nazza stood up and looked over the edge of the wall, through cracks in the sharp points that the wooden stacks ended in. 'That's a long way down,' said Nazza.  
  
'Try jumping down if you like,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza started climbing with his back legs.  
  
'On the other hand, don't jump,' said Crash.  
  
'Where do we go now?' asked Nazza.  
  
'See that long platform?' said Crash, as they faced the platforms that led downward. Across from the platform they were standing on was another platform, this one long though. It had a few bits broken, as if someone had cut bits of the wood to make it more dangerous.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Let me guess. We have to go along that platform?'  
  
'Yep,' said Crash.  
  
'What a guess!' said Nazza.  
  
Nazza leapt over to the long platform, then Coco jumped, and Crash somersaulted over.  
  
'Ladies first,' said Nazza, letting Coco go ahead of him. 'Bandicoots first,' he said, letting Crash go ahead of him.  
  
'Why do you want us to go ahead of you?' asked Crash. He turned around, and saw Nazza scrambling up, trying to jump over the other side. 'Stop that!' shouted Crash.  
  
Nazza stopped, and looked down, whining in a doggish voice.  
  
'You can go before me,' said Crash.  
  
'But I want to see how to get across!' said Nazza. 'I don't know how to do this level without your help!'  
  
'Coco knows how to,' said Crash. 'Why do you want to jump over to the other side?'  
  
'Because I'm bored of platforms,' Nazza whined.  
  
The three walked along the platform, and before long came to a bit where the wood had fallen out, leaving a gap between platforms. Coco jumped across, then Nazza, and Crash followed.  
  
They continued walking, jumping over gaps, occasionally knocking Venus fly- trap flowers out of their way (Nazza wondered how flowers had grown so far up on pieces of wood), until Nazza saw a huge wooden stake going up. It was thicker than the thickest tree in the world, probably ten metres from one side to the other. 'That's a big stake,' said Nazza.  
  
'Mmm, stake,' said Homer.  
  
'Who are you?' asked Crash, looking at the yellow man, with his rotund belly, two hairs on his otherwise bald head, a beer can in one hand and a remote in the other.  
  
'I am.why do you want to know who I am?' asked Homer. 'You aren't going to KILL me, are you?'  
  
'He's Homer Simpson,' said Nazza. 'One of the Simpsons.'  
  
Coco stared blankly at Nazza. 'You know, the TV show "The Simpsons"?'  
  
Crash nodded, understanding what Nazza said, but Coco stared blankly at him.  
  
'Heehee! A talking doggy!' said Homer. 'Here, doggy! Here, doggy! Come on, doggy!'  
  
'Remember, Simpsons were invented in the 90's,' Crash mumbled out of the corner of his mouth so only Nazza could hear. 'Coco's living in the 80's, remember?'  
  
'Yes, I remember,' said Nazza.  
  
'Oh wow! Two kangaroos!' said Homer. 'They look a little different from last time I was in Australia, but.well.I can't imagine what else they could be.'  
  
'We're not kangaroos,' said Coco.  
  
'And Homer, we're not in Australia,' said Nazza.  
  
'Where am I then?' asked Homer. 'I was watching TV, then I accidentally pressed a few buttons at once, and I was zapped up here!'  
  
'Hey,' said Nazza. 'Can you sing that song?'  
  
'What song?' asked Homer. 'What is this "song" you speak of?'  
  
'You know, the one "I get knocked down, but I get up again". Can you sing it for us?'  
  
'Sure,' said Homer. He started bobbing up and down.  
  
'I drink a whisky drink, I drink a chocolate drink  
  
'And when I need to pee, I use the kitchen sink!'  
  
Nazza cracked up laughing. Coco stared blankly at Homer.  
  
'Heheh, what do you think of Flanders?' asked Nazza.  
  
'What do I think of Flanders? This is what I think of Flanders! I think he -'  
  
Homer took a step backwards, but realised there wasn't any more platform behind him. 'Heeeeeeelp!' cried Homer. 'Oh well, if I'm going to die, I might as well enjoy it.' With that, he skulled the rest of his beer.  
  
Homer landed on a warp pad, and disappeared.  
  
'Well, that was entertaining,' said Nazza. 'How come there's a big wooden stake?'  
  
'It's to get up to the next warp pad,' Crash explained.  
  
'The next warp pad's up there?' asked Nazza, pointing to the top of the wooden stake.  
  
'Last time I checked,' said Crash. 'But we have to get past them.' He pointed at some upside-down wooden stakes ahead, that were slamming into the wood, then moving upward, then slamming down again.  
  
The three walked over to them. 'It's all in the timing!' shouted Crash, who couldn't be heard above the crashing sound of the wooden stakes.  
  
Crash waited until one of the wooden stakes had crashed down, then as it lifted back up, he ran under it, jumped over a gap on the platform, and landed safely on the other side.  
  
Coco did the same, but nearly slipped and fell. Crash grabbed her and pulled her back onto the platform.  
  
Nazza closed his eyes, and started running. He didn't realise there was a gap, and only just grabbed onto the edge.  
  
'Help!' said Nazza. 'There's no warp pad underneath me!'  
  
Coco walked over to him and crouched down. 'Help me!' shouted Nazza.  
  
'Here's my little secret,' said Coco quietly. Then, in a whisper, 'I killed Mufasa.'  
  
'Get out of the way, Coco,' said Crash. He grabbed Nazza's paw and lifted him to safety.  
  
'Coco's scary,' Nazza muttered so only Crash could hear. 'And I thought Lion King was in the 90's.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The three continued to walk along the platform until they reached the end, which was just past the giant wooden stake.  
  
'How do we get up?' asked Nazza.  
  
'By these springs,' said Crash, pointing to a spring. He jumped on it, and it launched him into the air. He moved to the right, and landed on another spring attached to a platform, then left onto another platform, then up and right to another platform, and continued until he was out of sight.  
  
'You can go now,' said Coco.  
  
'No I think I'll go last,' said Nazza.  
  
'Okay,' said Coco. She jumped on the spring and launched up into the air.  
  
'Here goes nothing,' said Nazza. He jumped on the spring, and it launched him into the air. He flew over to the next platform, and the next spring.  
  
There were so many springs he thought the warp pad might be up in space, but before long, he came to the last spring. He bounced up, and landed on the last platform face first. 'Ow, that hurt,' he commented.  
  
He stood up, and saw that they were up in the sky, with clouds all around. Coco was waiting for Nazza.  
  
'Crash has gone ahead,' said Coco. 'This platform is another long one. At the end is a warp pad.'  
  
'Okay, I'll follow you then,' said Nazza.  
  
Coco went slowly ahead, and Nazza followed. She jumped over a gap, and so did he.  
  
Suddenly there was a ringing. 'That would be my mobile phone,' said Coco.  
  
She pulled it out of her pocket and said, 'Hello?' She paused to listen, then, 'Mm-hm, mm-hm, yep, yeah, nah, yeah, okay.' She hung up and put the mobile back into her pocket.  
  
'Who was it?' asked Crash.  
  
'Some prank caller,' said Coco.  
  
The two continued, then Coco ran ahead. 'Hey! Where are you going?' shouted Nazza.  
  
'There's solid platform all the way to the warp pad!' Coco shouted back.  
  
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He started running.  
  
He ran for what seemed like ten minutes, but in reality it was only five. Then finally he saw the warp pad.  
  
'Finally,' thought Nazza, as he jumped into the warp pad. There was a flash, then he disappeared. 


	3. 3 Upstream

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/ Mario belongs to Nintendo/ WARNING to Mario fans (if there are any) this chapter contains "offensive" conversation (offensive to Mario fans only) about Super Mario 64/ Sorry Mario fans (yes, all 3 of you) if this has been inconvenient (but then again, what's a Mario fan doing reading Crash Bandicoot fiction?)/ Nazza is my own creation (obviously)  
  
[CHAPTER 3: UPSTREAM]  
  
  
  
It took a while for the mist to disappear. Nazza looked around, and saw that he was standing on grass. To his right was a river that ran down a waterfall.  
  
'Look behind you,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza looked behind him, and saw the waterfall. 'Would you like to jump down there?' Crash asked.  
  
'No, I think I'll go forward,' said Nazza.  
  
'What?' said Crash. 'Walk along the grass?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?'  
  
'No,' said Crash. 'See those lily pads on the river?'  
  
'Yeah, I see them,' said Nazza.  
  
'We've got to jump onto them,' said Crash.  
  
'You're kidding,' said Nazza.  
  
'Nope,' said Crash. He jumped onto one, then onto another, slowly making his way forward. Coco jumped on one, then another, and another.  
  
'You can walk if you want,' said Coco.  
  
'I think I'll do that,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After a while, Nazza stopped and looked behind him. Coco was still a few lily pads behind him. 'See up there?' said Coco as she jumped to a lily pad next to him and he started walking again.  
  
'Sort of,' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah, well,' said Coco, jumping to another lily pad, 'There's a wall up there.'  
  
'Sure,' said Nazza.  
  
'There is,' said Coco, jumping to yet another lily pad.  
  
A few minutes later, Nazza found himself facing a wall. 'Told you,' said Coco as she jumped to another lily pad.  
  
'Here goes nothing,' said Nazza, jumping onto a lily pad.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Ten minutes later, Crash stopped, and was standing on a lily pad. Coco came up to the lily pad behind him, and a few seconds later, Nazza was behind Coco.  
  
'Why did we stop?' asked Nazza.  
  
'There's a sea snake in the water,' said Crash.  
  
'What's new,' said Nazza.  
  
'This sea snake can jump.'  
  
'Well, why are we waiting then?' asked Nazza.  
  
'If I jump,' said Crash, 'the sea snake will jump, and kill me.'  
  
'You have three lives, right?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Afraid not,' said Crash. 'Wasted them all.'  
  
'On what?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Super Mario 64,' said Crash.  
  
'Why'd you do that?' asked Nazza. 'Were you drunk? High? Possessed? What made you buy Super Mario 64?'  
  
'Super Mario,' said Crash.  
  
'Tsk-tsk-tsk,' said Nazza. 'How much did Mario give you?'  
  
'He didn't pay me,' said Crash. 'He said he'd kill me if I didn't buy it.'  
  
'How would he kill you?' asked Nazza. 'Sit on you? Shove his nose in your mouth until you suffocate? Set his mushrooms on you?'  
  
'He said he needed money,' said Crash. 'Hardly anyone had bought it.'  
  
'And he threatened to kill you, so you bought it,' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'But it was put to good use.'  
  
'How?'  
  
'Firewood,' Crash stated.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'How are we going to get across?' asked Coco, as they floated there on the lily pads, the sea snake slithering below their feet.  
  
'I know!' said Nazza. 'Crash! You know how you do that spin attack?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Crash.  
  
'Well, you could jump, spin, and knock the sea snake out!'  
  
'That's not a bad idea,' said Crash. He jumped, spun, hit the sea snake, and landed on a lily pad.  
  
'Where's Nazza?' asked Coco as she jumped to the next lily pad.  
  
'I think he went for a swim,' said Crash. He pointed at Nazza, who was underwater, wrestling with the sea snake.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Nazza wasn't far behind Crash and Coco. As he jumped from lily pad to lily pad, he looked around. There wasn't much to look at, though.  
  
Soon he came to a stop behind Coco. Crash was nowhere in sight.  
  
'Where's Crash?' asked Nazza.  
  
'He's on a moving lily pad,' said Coco. 'From now on it should be easy cruising.' A moving lily pad appeared out of nowhere, and she jumped on it. It started moving forward.  
  
'This should be better,' said Nazza. He waited for his moving lily pad to appear, then jumped on.  
  
It flew forward, like a rocket. 'Whoa!' cried Nazza. 'This is the best rollercoaster ride I've ever been on!'  
  
The river went through a forest similar to Insanity Beach, and the tree branches kept on hitting Nazza in the face.  
  
'This isn't the best rollercoaster ride I've ever been on,' said Nazza.  
  
For a while no branches were out far enough to hit him in the face, and he could hear someone saying, 'Blue flower, red thorns, blue flower, red thorns, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOUR BLIND!'  
  
Then the forest disappeared, and the grass started again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Soon the lily pads stopped moving. Nazza could now see Coco and Crash.  
  
Nazza jumped from non-moving lily pad to non-moving lily pad. 'How much longer does this take?' he asked.  
  
'Don't worry,' said Crash. 'This level is much shorter than the other ones.'  
  
After a while there was another waterfall, and a log that helped the three get up the waterfall. Nazza followed the other two up the log. 'Oh no, not more lily pads! Do we have to do this?'  
  
'No, you don't have to,' said Crash. 'You can take a swim.'  
  
Nazza looked at the water, then the lily pads. Water, lily pads. Water, lily pads. Water, lily pads.  
  
'Hurry up!' said Crash. He and Coco were already a few lily pads ahead of him. 'You weren't actually going to jump into the water, were you?'  
  
'Maybe,' said Nazza. 'I'm not sure if I should. Is there anything wrong with the water?'  
  
'I don't think so -' said Crash, but before he could say anything else, he was knocked into the water himself.  
  
'Maybe I should've told him about the fly-trap flower behind him,' said Coco.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'When are we going to come to the next warp pad?' Nazza whined.  
  
'Soon,' said Crash. 'Not long to go now.'  
  
Crash jumped onto another lily pad, and spun, knocking the Venus fly-trap flower into the water. 'I'm not going to let a Venus fly-trap flower upstage me again,' said Crash. 'Nuh-uh. No way.'  
  
Coco and Nazza jumped to the next lily pad. 'No way,' said Crash. 'Not in a million years.' He jumped to the next lily pad.  
  
'Watch out for the fly-trap flower on the lily pad next to you,' said Coco.  
  
*SPLASH!*  
  
'Too late.'  
  
'Hey Crash!' said Nazza. 'I don't think it's been a million years yet!'  
  
Crash fake-smiled as he resurfaced and climbed back onto the lily pad. 'You're a natural comedian,' said Crash sarcastically.  
  
'I know, I can't help it,' said Nazza. 'I'm just so skilled. I'm glad you recognised that -'  
  
*SPLASH!*  
  
'Watch out for Venus fly-trap flowers behind you as well!' shouted Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'Is that a warp pad up ahead?' asked Nazza.  
  
'I can't see it properly through the mist,' said Coco.  
  
'It's a warp pad,' said Crash. 'Not soon until we face Papu Papu.'  
  
'Papu Papu?' said Nazza, gulping.  
  
'Yes, Papu Papu's domain,' said Crash.  
  
'Uh, I'll just be, uh, hanging around for a while,' said Nazza.  
  
'Come on,' said Coco. 'It's just a big fat man. Sort of like Santa, without the outfit.'  
  
'Big fat man? Oh, Papu *Papu*. I thought you meant the guy with the big stick.'  
  
'Yes, that's Papu Papu,' said Coco.  
  
'Uh-oh,' said Nazza, gulping again.  
  
'Don't worry,' said Coco as she jumped into the warp pad. 'You'll be fighting with us.'  
  
'Actually,' said Crash as he stepped into the warp pad, 'Papu Papu challenges each player one at a time.'  
  
'Great,' said Nazza, as he stepped into the warp pad. 'That makes me feel *so* much better.'  
  
=======================================================================  
  
I don't actually own Crash Bandicoot, as in the game. I have Crash Bash, but I don't own Crash Bandicoot. I borrowed it off my friend/next-door neighbour earlier this year and finished it, but I can't remember all the levels. If I have made a mistake, please tell me. If you have Crash Bandicoot the game and can send me a list of the levels, I will be happy, and you might even appear as a cameo in a later chapter( 


	4. 4 Papu Papu

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
  
[CHAPTER 4: PAPU PAPU]  
  
  
  
They arrived in a giant forest, bigger than Insanity Beach (why is it called a beach if it's a forest?) and appeared in some bushes.  
  
'Don't worry, Nazza,' said Coco. 'We've defeated Papu Papu countless times. If we think he's gonna beat you, we'll help out.'  
  
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'What she said.'  
  
'Wait,' said Nazza. 'How come Papu Papu is in a little house, but we're stuck in a forest hiding behind bushes?'  
  
'Because the house is over there,' said Crash, pointing to the left at a small house.  
  
'Oh,' said Nazza. 'Well, at least he won't bash me up *too* bad, because you guys are with me.'  
  
'Yeah,' said Crash. 'Except this is different from the games you've played. Instead of just battling Papu Papu, we have to go inside the house, complete a mission and then get out before Papu Papu gets back.'  
  
'So, I've been worrying all this time over nothing?' said Nazza.  
  
'Not really,' said Coco. 'If you get caught you have to fight Papu Papu.'  
  
'But what if I *do* get caught?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Then we'll have to fight Papu Papu,' said Crash.  
  
'God dammit!' said Nazza. 'Why do stories like these always have to have long chapters?'  
  
Coco and Crash stared at him.  
  
'What do you mean, stories?' asked Coco.  
  
'Nothing, nothing, just, um, I think I'm going insane,' said Nazza. 'Yes, that's it. I'm...going insane.'  
  
'O-kay then,' said Crash. 'Here, drink this potion.'  
  
Crash handed Nazza a potion. As soon as he had drunk it he stood up on his hind legs and started spinning like Crash, only faster.  
  
'That's starting to give me a headache,' said Coco.  
  
Crash jumped and kicked Nazza. He stopped spinning, then said, 'Whoa, that was *cool*.' He held his hand up to his face. 'Haha, I can see little people on my hand...'  
  
'Uh, what did you give him?' Coco asked.  
  
'I thought I gave him an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'I made it on Insanity Beach.'  
  
'You stupid bandicoot!' shouted Coco. 'If you make anything from Insanity Beach it becomes an anti-*sanity* potion.'  
  
'Whoops,' said Crash.  
  
'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!' shouted a duck's voice from far off.  
  
'Hey,' said Nazza, who was still fascinated by the little people on his paw, said, 'That's Joe, the mental patient of ducks who likes spagetti.'  
  
'In English?' said Coco.  
  
Suddenly a yellow duck ran past, shouting 'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!'  
  
'Here, drink this potion,' said Crash. He handed Nazza another potion.  
  
Nazza drank it, and suddenly looked confused. 'Why am I staring at my paw?'  
  
'It's an anti-insanity potion,' said Crash. 'Now, what was that yellow duck thing?'  
  
'I think it was Joe the duck,' said Nazza. 'He sometimes strangely appears in my adventures.'  
  
'I see...' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'Uh, shouldn't we go into the house now?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Okay,' said Crash.  
  
'Okay,' said Coco.  
  
'Shouldn't we start moving now?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Okay,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza looked at Coco. She was gazing at Nazza. Not looking, gazing. Don't argue with me.  
  
'Uh, Coco, what are you doing?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Huh? Oh, uh, nothing,' said Coco. 'So, we should start moving now, right?'  
  
'Yes,' said Nazza.  
  
'No,' said Crash.  
  
'Why not?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Because...I don't know,' said Crash.  
  
'So let's get going,' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah,' said Coco.  
  
So the three stood up, got out of the bushes and started walking over to Papu Papu's house. 'Are there any security cameras or anything?' asked Nazza.  
  
'No,' said Crash. 'No security whatsoever. Well, maybe a henchmen or two, but apart from that...'  
  
Coco sighed.  
  
'Why did you just sigh?' asked Crash.  
  
'Nothing,' said Coco dreamily. She began gazing at Nazza again. No, not looking, *gazing*.  
  
'Stop looking at me!' said Nazza. (Yes, I know that contradicts what I've been saying.)  
  
'Okay then,' said Coco.  
  
Crash walked up to the door of Papu Papu's house, and opened it. Or tried to open it.  
  
'What's wrong?' asked Nazza.  
  
'It's locked,' said Crash.  
  
Nazza ran back about ten metres, then charged at the door, knocking it down easily.  
  
'Wow,' said Coco.  
  
'How'd u do that?' asked Crash.  
  
'Joe the duck taught me,' said Nazza.  
  
'I see...' said Crash. 'And how would I contact this duck?'  
  
'Uh, you'd have to be in the right place at the wrong time, I guess,' said Nazza.  
  
'Don't you mean at the right time?' said Coco.  
  
'No,' said Nazza. 'You don't want to hang around Joe too much. He makes you go crazy.'  
  
'I see...' said Crash. 'But if I did want to contact him?'  
  
'You'd have to find him, and make sure he's not busy, but you'll have to wait until this adventure is over.'  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'THAT'S RIGHT JOE, YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL THIS ADVENTURE IS OVER BEFORE YOU CONTACT CRASH.'  
  
Crash stared at Nazza. No, not looked, *stared*.  
  
'I told you hanging around Joe makes you go temporarily crazy,' said Nazza.  
  
So the three walked into Papu Papu's house. 'It's pretty small,' said Nazza.  
  
'Where's the prisoner?' asked Crash.  
  
'What prisoner?' asked Nazza.  
  
'There's a prisoner somewhere in the house,' said Crash. 'We need to rescue him.'  
  
'Try the basement,' said Coco. She pointed at the stairs that led to a basement.  
  
'I see...' said Crash.  
  
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!  
  
Only kidding.  
  
The three walked down the stairs, into the basement, to find...Luigi!  
  
'What are you doing trapped in here, Luigi?' asked Nazza.  
  
'I would like to say a few things first,' said Luigi, who was chained to the wall. 'I am not really Luigi. Sure, I am Luigi, but I'm the fanfiction writer Luigi appearing in the form of Luigi.'  
  
'I think I understand that,' said Crash.  
  
'Secondly, Luigi belongs to Nintendo the basta - I mean, thirdly, Mario locked me up.'  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'Mario is now in league with egg head - I mean Cortex. Miniscule Cortex that is.'  
  
'Anything else you want to say?' asked Crash.  
  
'No, not really,' said Luigi.  
  
'Okay then, I think we'll get going,' said Crash.  
  
'Wait!' said Luigi. 'Aren't you going to unchain me?'  
  
'Oh alright,' said Crash. 'Nazza, you find a way to free Luigi.'  
  
'I'll help,' said Coco.  
  
'No, we've got to go outside and watch for Papu Papu,' said Crash.  
  
The two walked up the stairs.  
  
'So, how are you going to get me down?' asked Luigi.  
  
'I don't know,' said Nazza. He looked around.  
  
'What about that chainsaw over there?' suggested Luigi.  
  
'Ah, yes,' said Nazza. He walked over to the chainsaw, picked it up, walked on his two back feet over to Luigi, and pulled the string that started up the chainsaw.  
  
'Whoa!' shouted Nazza. 'This thing is loud! - And heavy!'  
  
'Hurry up and cut the chains!' shouted Luigi.  
  
'Okay, okay,' said Nazza. He cut the chains, and Luigi fell to the floor.  
  
'Shouldn't you turn the chainsaw off now?' shouted Luigi.  
  
'I - can't - seem - to - get - this - chainsaw - to - turn - off,' shouted Nazza.  
  
'You're not a chainsaw murderer from Texas, are you?' shouted Luigi.  
  
'No, I'm Australian like Crash,' shouted Nazza. 'I think Green Devil might be a chainsaw murderer from Texas though.'  
  
'Shouldn't you be working on trying to turn the chainsaw off?' shouted Luigi.  
  
'Nah,' shouted Nazza. 'I'll just -' Nazza threw it at the wall. It cut a giant hole, then caught on a strange sparkling object and the chain suddenly flew off. It frisbeed, swinging a few centimetres over Nazza's head, and getting stuck on the opposite wall near the stairs.  
  
'That was close,' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'Well, let's get going.'  
  
'Hang on a minute!' said Luigi. 'That sparkling thing that the chainsaw hit. It looks like a gem!'  
  
'We don't have time for gems, now let's get going,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'Hey Coco,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hello Nazza,' said Coco. 'Crash is outside.'  
  
Coco was on one side of the door, the one inside the house.  
  
'Could you tell him to open the door?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Crash,' Coco whispered through the keyhole. 'Can you open the door for us?'  
  
'I can't,' Crash whispered back. 'Pot-belly Budgie is coming.'  
  
'Who?' whispered Coco.  
  
'He means Papu Papu is coming,' said Nazza. 'Uh-oh, I don't like fat people.'  
  
'Why not?' said Luigi.  
  
'Because they can sit on you,' said Nazza. He shuddered at the thought.  
  
Luigi shuddered.  
  
Coco gazed at Nazza.  
  
'Uh, Coco,' said Nazza. 'Now's not a good time to start looking at me again.'  
  
'Why not?' asked Coco.  
  
'Because the fat man is behind you...'  
  
Coco jumped, just before a giant stick landed where she was.  
  
'That was close,' said Coco.  
  
'Very close,' said Luigi.  
  
'Papu Papu is angry!' shouted Papu Papu. 'Papu Papu begin talking like baby! Raaaargh!'  
  
He slammed the stick down again, straight in front of Nazza.  
  
'Great,' said Coco. 'Crash is nowhere in sight.'  
  
'How are we going to defeat him?' asked Luigi.  
  
'Well, Coco can't battle Papu Papu, so she has to get out of here.'  
  
'Hey!' said Coco.  
  
Nazza jumped onto Papu Papu's stick, then up onto Papu Papu's head. He began digging his claws in.  
  
'Blue wolf hurt Papu Papu's head! Raaaargh!'  
  
Coco ran out of the door. 'Are you going to get out, Luigi?' shouted Nazza.  
  
'No, I'm staying here to help you out,' said Luigi.  
  
'Okay then,' said Nazza. He jumped back to the floor just before Papu Papu's stick hit Papu Papu's head.  
  
'Ow!' cried Papu Papu. 'Blue wolf make Papu Papu hit Papu Papu!'  
  
'How can you help?' asked Nazza.  
  
'With this!' said Luigi. He pulled out...a vacuum!  
  
Only kidding.  
  
He pulled out...a vacuum!  
  
'How's a vacuum cleaner going to help?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Well,' said Luigi, 'it can help in many different ways. One -'  
  
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.  
  
'It can clean up Papu Papu's stinky smelly house. Two -'  
  
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.  
  
'It can be used to elongate things -'  
  
'Hurry up and get to the point!' said Nazza.  
  
'Three -'  
  
Papu Papu slammed his stick down and Nazza jumped out of the way.  
  
'It can irritate people!' Luigi grabbed the vacuuming end and shoved it up Papu Papu's crack.  
  
'Oww!' cried Papu Papu. 'Big stick up Papu Papu's big bum! Raaaargh!'  
  
The two ran out of the house, and Papu Papu slammed his stick down one more time.  
  
All four met up in time to watch Papu Papu's house collapse.  
  
'Now,' said Nazza, 'Where's the next portal?' 


	5. 5 Rolling Stones

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
Sonic and related characters belong to Sonic Team and (in my opinion) should belong to Sega or Sony not Nintendo (don't get me started on Nintendo)/  
  
[CHAPTER 5: ROLLING STONES]  
  
  
  
The four found the warp pad.  
  
'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza.  
  
'How come you don't know about warp pads?' asked Crash.  
  
'Oh, I know about warp pads, but I just don't know how to use them,' said Luigi. 'Mario kidnapped me, shoved me in a small rectangular box and delivered me to Papu Papu.'  
  
'What did this rectangular box look like?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Well, it was rectangular, and it had a sticker on the front of it,' said Luigi.  
  
'What did the sticker say?'  
  
'It said "Super Mario 64",' said Luigi.  
  
Nazza gasped.  
  
'I think it's some sort of code,' Luigi continued. 'Super might stand for something...I know Mario is Mario...64 might stand for something...'  
  
'How did they fit you inside a Nintendo 64 cartridge?' wondered Nazza.  
  
'There was probably nothing in there to begin with,' said Crash. 'After all, it *is* Super Mario 64...I could never get it to work...'  
  
'Because you need a Nintendo 64,' said Nazza. 'That's where Nintendo stuffed up. They chose to stay with cartridges and not move onto CDs. Therefore all those games for Nintendo 64 that people say are *good* (maybe there's an insanity epidemic) can't become backwards compatible like PlayStation.'  
  
'Yeah, because Nintendo 64 sucks,' said Luigi.  
  
'Which is why Nintendo stole Sonic,' said Nazza. 'Because they couldn't be bothered porting Nintendo 64 games to the GameCube because Nintendo are a bunch of lazy slobs!'  
  
'Yeah!' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah!' said Crash.  
  
'Yeah...' said Coco. Nazza noticed she was gazing at him again.  
  
'So we should jump onto the portal now, right?' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They arrived in a small shelter, which was actually a tree with a hole in it.  
  
'Cool!' said Crash. 'There's Wumpa fruit in here!'  
  
While Crash gnawed on the wumpa fruit, Nazza went out of the small shelter to check something.  
  
'Yep,' said Nazza. 'This is what I think it is.'  
  
'You mean it's dinnertime?' said Crash.  
  
'No, this is one of the places where the big giant boulders fall down and we have to run for our lives.'  
  
'We won't die, will we?' asked Coco.  
  
'Well...' said Nazza.  
  
'Let's just stay here then,' said Crash.  
  
'No, we can't do that,' said Luigi.  
  
'Why not?'  
  
'Because then we'll be stuck here forever. And I want to get back at Mario.'  
  
'And I want to get back at Miniscule Cortex,' said Nazza.  
  
'And I want to get back at Polar,' said Coco.  
  
'Why?' asked Nazza.  
  
'He beat me in the Crash Team Racing tournament!'  
  
'When was that?'  
  
'A few weeks ago,' said Crash. 'A pity you decided to meet us a few weeks after it was on. It was really good.'  
  
'Except that bastard Polar knocked me into a TNT box and i came fourth instead of second!'  
  
'I won it, of course,' said Crash.  
  
'So are we just gonna stand around here forever?' said Nazza.  
  
'The alternative is getting crushed by a boulder,' said Crash.  
  
'We don't want that to happen,' said Coco.  
  
'At least not to us,' said Crash. 'We're not sure about *you*.'  
  
'Hey, she's only a kid,' said Nazza.  
  
'Only a kid? Only a kid? Why I...'  
  
'Why isn't Coco attacking Nazza?' wondered Luigi.  
  
'I'm not sure,' said Crash.  
  
'Hey, Coco, you're just a little kid,' stated Luigi.  
  
'Why you stupid Italian!' shouted Coco. She ran over to him and began punching him. Fortunately, Luigi was strong and it wasn't hard for him to resist the pain.  
  
'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco, you're just a little kid, you're not grown up like us.'  
  
'I HATE YOU CRASH!' shouted Coco. She ran over to Crash and jumped on him, fists flying in the air.  
  
Crash pushed Coco off him. 'That's strange,' said Crash. 'Coco is bashing everyone up except for Nazza.'  
  
(Creepy music)  
  
'I think we should get going now,' said Nazza.  
  
'But what if the boulder squashes one of us?' whined Coco.  
  
'Listen to me, Coco,' said Crash, 'the only person slow enough to get crushed is you. ...And maybe Luigi.'  
  
'Hey!' said Luigi.  
  
'It's just I've never seen you run before,' said Crash. 'My point is...Coco's a little girl!'  
  
'AAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Coco.  
  
'Calm down, calm down,' said Crash.  
  
'So are we going to stay here all day, or are we actually going to do something?' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah, I think we should get on with it,' said Crash. 'Even if one of us might get squashed. Emphasis on "one".'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They stood up. Luigi noticed Coco was shaking.  
  
'Coco, why are you shaking?'  
  
'There's a boulder out there that's going to fall down, then we're going to have to run for our lives.'  
  
'Wow!' said Nazza. 'You can predict the future!'  
  
'I've been through here before, dummy - I mean, Nazza,' said Coco.  
  
'Let's go,' said Crash.  
  
The four slowly walked out just a tiny bit.  
  
'Okay,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready, set -'  
  
'Wait!' said Luigi.  
  
'What?' said Crash.  
  
'I need to do a pee.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Once Luigi had finished, he walked back over to the others.  
  
'Finished?' asked Crash.  
  
'Yeah,' said Luigi.  
  
'Anyone else need to go before we start running for our lives?'  
  
'Nope,' said Nazza.  
  
'No,' said Coco.  
  
'Okay then,' said Crash. 'When I say go, we run like hell. Ready...'  
  
Luigi looked around nervously.  
  
'Set...'  
  
Coco gulped, sweat dripping down her forehead.  
  
'GO!'  
  
They ran like hell.  
  
Nazza was in the lead, closely followed by Crash, then Luigi just in front of Coco. The boulder fell down and started rolling.  
  
'AAAAARRRGGGHHH!' screamed Nazza.  
  
'Yeah, it's scary isn't it,' shouted Crash.  
  
'No, it's not that,' shouted Nazza. 'There's a hole in the road!!!'  
  
Nazza leapt and made it across the chasm. Crash leapt and made it, then Luigi and Coco.  
  
Nazza looked behind him for a second. 'The boulder's still chasing us!' he shouted.  
  
'Obviously!' shouted Coco.  
  
'It's gonna take a while before we get to another shelter which is actually a tree with a hole in it,' shouted Crash.  
  
'Great,' shouted Nazza sarcastically.  
  
They kept on running, and jumped over another small chasm. Again, the boulder didn't fall down the small chasm.  
  
'Uh-oh,' shouted Nazza.  
  
'What?' Crash shouted.  
  
'There's a *big* chasm with only a few strange moving logs to jump onto!' shouted Nazza.  
  
'They're *easy*,' shouted Crash.  
  
'Stop shouting you're hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.  
  
They stopped shouting.  
  
'Make that boulder stop, it's hurting my ears!' shouted Coco.  
  
Nazza leapt onto one of the moving logs, then another, and onto land again. Crash followed a few steps behind, while Luigi and Coco were even further behind.  
  
'Look! There's the next shelter!' shouted Crash. 'Stop when you get into it!'  
  
They ran to the shelter that was actually a hole in a giant tree, and Nazza stopped, and as he was going so fast he skidded on his bare paws.  
  
Crash came in and skidded on his feet.  
  
Luigi came in and jumped against the wall, stopping him from going further.  
  
Coco continued running, out of the shelter. Then the giant boulder started rolling.  
  
'Well, that's made it a lot easier,' exclaimed Crash.  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When the boulder had finished rolling, they walked along the path at ease, not in any rush whatsoever. It was only when they got to the end of the path that adrenaline started pumping.  
  
'How - how are we going to go through if the boulder's there?' said Luigi, pointing to the boulder blocking the road.  
  
'Help me! Help me!' they heard Coco's voice faintly.  
  
'Oh, shut up Coco!' said Crash. 'We're in more of a sticky situation here!'  
  
'I hate to say it Coco, but Crash is right,' said Nazza. 'How are we going to get out of this situation?'  
  
'What we need is some way of destroying the rock,' stated Luigi.  
  
'Duh,' said Crash.  
  
'That's it!' said Nazza. He pulled out a mobile phone, pressed some buttons then held it up to his ear. 'Uh, yes, this is Nazza here.' Pause. 'Is Knuckles there?' Longer pause. 'Hey Knuckles. Listen, I'm in a bit of a sticky situation here. Me and some pals - who are they? Uh, Crash Bandicoot, his sister and Luigi. - No I'm not crazy, Luigi hates Nintendo as well. Thanks, see you soon.'  
  
'Who was that?' asked Crash.  
  
'Knuckles the Echidna,' said Nazza.  
  
'You know Knuckles the Echidna?' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' Nazza replied. 'We met a few months ago actually. It all happened back when I -'  
  
'No flashbacks, please,' said Crash.  
  
'Okay then,' said Nazza.  
  
They stood around waiting for a while, ignoring Coco's cries of attention. ('Help! I'm running out of air!' The boulder's blocking only *one* side of the shelter, not two Coco.)  
  
Then Knuckles came running from the distance. And boy was he fast. Faster than Nazza. (Only just.)  
  
'Hey Knuckles,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hey Nazza,' said Knuckles. 'Wassup?'  
  
'We need to get past this boulder,' said Nazza.  
  
'No prob.'  
  
Knuckles walked up to the giant boulder and began swinging his knuckled fists.  
The boulder crumbled and disappeared. Coco, who was leaning on the rock, fell to the ground.  
  
'Cya later!' said Knuckles.  
  
'Thanks!' said Nazza as Knuckles sped off into the distance. Unfortunately, he was squashed by a boulder, and as the boulder rolled down the hill into a dark chasm, so did Knuckles who was squashed up against it.  
  
'Isn't someone going to help me up?' said Coco impatiently.  
  
'No,' said Crash.  
  
Coco growled angrily, then said, 'Fine then, I'll get up all by myself without the help of Nazza.'  
  
'Who said I had to help you up?' said Nazza.  
  
'No one,' said Coco.  
  
'Then how come you expected me to help you up?' said Nazza.  
  
'Coz I thought you would be a gentlemen, unlike Crash, and help me up!'  
  
Crash burst out laughing. 'You actually expected Nazza to act like a *gentlemen*, and help you up?'  
  
With that, Nazza burst out laughing as well.  
  
Luigi noticed everyone laughing, then started to laugh as well. 'Hahaha, haha, what are we laughing at?'  
  
'Nothing,' said Crash, who had stopped abruptly. 'Let's go now.'  
  
'Luckily Knuckles made the boulder fall,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They walked along the path at their own leisure, and arrived at the end of the level at their own leisure.  
  
'I've gotta remember to thank Knuckles,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hey, what about me?' said Coco. 'I helped out by making the boulder fall and only I had to run. Shouldn't I get something?'  
  
'Like what?' said Crash.  
  
'Like a hug, maybe?' suggested Coco.  
  
'No, I'm not an inbred,' said Crash.  
  
'I didn't mean you,' said Coco.  
  
'Sorry, I don't have feelings for you,' said Luigi.  
  
'Not you either,' said Coco.  
  
They all looked at Nazza.  
  
'Uh, do I have to?'  
  
Coco nodded.  
  
Sweat dripped down Nazza's forehead. 'Do I *really* have to?'  
  
Coco made a frowning face.  
  
'I think you'd better,' said Crash.  
  
'I swear, I'm gonna get you one day -' but before Nazza had finished Coco had jumped at him, practically strangling him.  
  
'Okay - okay - Coco, I can't breathe - someone *help me* -' 


	6. 6 Hog Wild

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
Sonic and related characters belong to Sonic Team and (in my opinion) should belong to Sega or Sony not Nintendo (don't get me started on Nintendo)/  
  
[CHAPTER 6: HOG WILD]  
  
  
  
After Nazza had been revived, they found the warp pad.  
  
'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.  
  
'Oh no, don't start this again,' said Crash. 'The big long talk that ends up being about how PlayStation is better than Nintendo because Nintendo sucks.'  
  
'Oh yeah, now I remember what to do,' said Luigi. He jumped on the warp pad.  
  
'Ladies first,' said Crash.  
  
'Yay!' said Coco. She jumped onto the warp pad.  
  
'Ladies first,' said Crash.  
  
'Very funny,' said Nazza sarcastically. He jumped on the warp pad, and Crash followed closely behind.  
  
They appeared in what looked like a jungle. There was a straight path through, except there were spikes on the sides of the path and some boxes in the way.  
  
'Where's this?' wondered Luigi.  
  
'This is Hog Wild,' said Crash.  
  
'So, shouldn't there be some hogs?' said Nazza.  
  
'There is,' said Crash. 'We just need to find them.'  
  
'So, what do we do to find them?' asked Luigi.  
  
'We walk,' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
So it was that they went walking and fifteen minutes later found some hogs just wandering around doing nothing.  
  
'Oooh, I bags this one!' said Luigi, walking over to one of the hogs.  
  
'I have the smallest one,' said Coco, hopping onto one the size of a...small dog.  
  
'That's *too* small,' said Crash. He jumped onto the biggest one, which was like a small horse.  
  
Coco jumped onto the second smallest one.  
  
'Still too small.'  
  
Coco jumped onto the third smallest one.  
  
'Still too small.'  
  
Coco jumped onto the fifth smallest one.  
  
'Too big.'  
  
'Well too bad, I'm riding this one!' said Coco.  
  
Nazza hopped onto a hog. 'Now what do we do?'  
  
'Kick 'em in the butt,' said Crash.  
  
Luigi hopped off his hog and kicked it up the butt. It ran screaming away.  
  
'Uh, was I supposed to be on it when I kicked it?' said Luigi.  
  
Nazza, Crash and Coco kicked the butts of their hogs without getting off, and the hogs shot forward.  
  
'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' said Coco.  
  
'Is what Tails does -'  
  
'What are you doing here, Sonic?' said Crash.  
  
'I'm not sure,' said Sonic. 'I'll be leaving now.'  
  
'Wait for me!' shouted Luigi.  
  
'Just look around for a secret teleporter!' shouted Crash. 'It will teleport you to the end!'  
  
'Hey!' said Nazza. 'How come we couldn't just use the secret teleporter?'  
  
'It's a glitch,' said Crash.  
  
'In the Matrix?' suggested Nazza.  
  
'Possibly. But the point is, once I tried to go through the teleporter and I, like, disappeared for a week.'  
  
'That's a bad thing for Luigi,' said Nazza.  
  
'We don't really need Luigi, do we?' said Coco.  
  
'Coco!' said Nazza. 'So, what you're saying, Crash, is that Luigi could end up lost in a demented fourth dimension or something?'  
  
'Possibly. But the point is, once I tried to go -'  
  
'Read the script properly,' said Coco. 'Next line down.'  
  
'Possibly. But, Aku Aku has studied these strange "glitches".'  
  
'And?'  
  
'And they send people to the fourth dimension.'  
  
'Your point being?'  
  
'Well, Aku Aku has learnt to find people who are trapped in these glitches and pull them back out.'  
  
'That's a relief.'  
  
'Just like Tails -' shouted Sonic.  
  
'SHUT UP!'  
  
'So Aku Aku will rescue Luigi?' said Nazza.  
  
'Most likely,' said Crash.  
  
They rode along the path, dodging boxes and spiky bushes and jumping over small chasms.  
  
'How long now?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Not long before we get to the end of the level,' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'It's been fifteen minutes and we still haven't reached the end of the level,' said Crash.  
  
'Strange,' said Crash. 'It usually only takes two.'  
  
'I think we're lost,' said Coco.  
  
'I think so too,' said Nazza.  
  
'But - how come there aren't any footprints?' said Crash.  
  
'Because we're riding hogs, idiot,' said Coco.  
  
'But wouldn't the hogs' footprints show up?' said Crash.  
  
'Not neccessarily,' said Nazza. 'Glitch in the matrix.'  
  
Suddenly a strange meerkat burst out of the bushes. 'Pumbaa! Pumbaa!'  
  
'That's strange,' said Crash.  
  
'Ssh!' said Coco. 'It could be dangerous.'  
  
'There you are Pumbaa!' said the meerkat, walking towards Nazza's hog.  
  
'Aargh!' shouted Nazza. 'It's got a gun!'  
  
He kicked the hog and shot off into the distance. Coco and Crash followed.'  
  
'Did it really have a gun?' asked Coco once they had gotten away from it.  
  
'No,' said Nazza.  
  
'Then why did you say it did?'  
  
'It was going to take my hog!'  
  
'So?' said Crash.  
  
'I'm not going to walk while you guys get a free ride,' said Nazza.  
  
'I see,' said Crash.  
  
'Hey look, there's Luigi!' said Coco.  
  
'It'sa me, Luigi!' said Luigi.  
  
'Did you find a secret teleporter?' asked Crash.  
  
'No, I found a secret bridge,' said Luigi. 'It took me to the end of the level.'  
  
'Where's the end of the level?'  
  
'Just over there,' said Luigi, pointing forward.  
  
'See,' said Crash, 'I told you we weren't lost!'  
  
'Yeah, Coco,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hey! You agreed with me when I said we were lost!' said Coco.  
  
'...No I didn't...' Nazza replied.  
  
They rode to the warp pad, and had to wait for a minute for Luigi to catch up.  
  
'Do we jump on the warp pad?' asked Luigi.  
  
'Yep,' said Crash.  
  
Luigi jumped on the warp pad. Then Crash. Then Nazza. Then Coco.  
  
Then... 


	7. 7 Glitches Galore

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
Arnold Schwarzenegger belongs to himself/  
So does God/  
Suddenly the warp pad stuffed up.  
  
'Where are we?' said Nazza. His voice sounded weird, and it echoed.  
  
Luigi and Crash and Coco and Nazza all looked around. Their necks seemed to twist in a weird way, though they didn't feel pain.  
  
'Aargh!' said Luigi. He had noticed that Coco's head had done a full 360 revolution.  
  
They had observed that they were in a strange neverending stretch of swirling colours.  
  
'What happened?' wondered Nazza. He moved his paw up to his face to look at it, and noticed his arm didn't move.  
  
'Whoa!' said Luigi. 'You can move your paw by itself!'  
  
'Yeah, cool!' said Nazza. He stretched, and his paw flew off into the distance. 'Hey! I want my paw back!'  
  
Suddenly Nazza's paw flew back and attached itself to his arm.  
  
'I think something's wrong,' said Crash. Even talking looked weird. His mouth was moving but his face wasn't.  
  
'Watch this!' said Coco. She stretched her arm out, and it reached all the way over to Luigi, who was far away from her.  
  
'Whoa, this is weird,' said Crash. 'It's like our imagination is in control.'  
  
Nazza closed his eyes for a few seconds, then suddenly he changed bright green, like his paws and underbelly. 'Cool, it does work!'  
  
Luigi closed his eyes for a few seconds, then Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly appeared.  
  
'What am I doing here?' said Arnold. 'I'll be back.'  
  
Then he disappeared.  
  
'I'd say something stuffed up in the warp pad,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, then his hands turned into chainsaws. 'I'm a chainsaw murderer from Texas!' laughed Crash.  
  
'I think something in the computer programming stuffed up,' said Nazza.  
  
'I understand,' said Luigi. 'Maybe the game CD was scratched, and it's caused us to end up here in non-existant-world!'  
  
'Game CD?' said Coco. 'What are you talking about?'  
  
'Don't worry,' said Nazza. 'It's for us to know and you never to figure out.'  
  
'I have an idea,' said Coco. She closed her eyes and suddenly her shirt began to bulge...  
  
[CHAPTER 7: SNOW PAIN]  
  
Suddenly they were transported to a never-before-seen level.  
  
Coco looked down at her shirt. 'Oh, it didn't work,' said Coco.  
  
'Hey cool, I'm still blue,' said Nazza.  
  
'That's because we're always supposed to look the way we are,' said Luigi. 'But when we entered the glitch, it caused us to change because it was a glitch.'  
  
'I want to go back to the glitch!' said Coco.  
  
'Well too bad, we're stuck in this very cold level,' said Nazza. 'No warp pad in sight.'  
  
'There's ice everywhere,' said Crash. 'I've never seen this place before.'  
  
'It's like the Ice Cap level,' said Nazza.  
  
'On Sonic 3?' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza.  
  
'What the hell are you guys talking about?' said Coco.  
  
'Nothing...' said Luigi and Nazza in unison.  
  
'Come on, tell me,' said Coco.  
  
'It's for us to know and for you to ponder for the rest of your life,' said Nazza.  
  
Nazza, Luigi, Crash and Coco tried to walk, but all slipped and fell flat on their faces.  
  
'This is slippery,' said Luigi. 'If only we had some tennis racquets to use as shoes.'  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'It's for us to know and for you to laugh about nervously because you don't understand,' said Nazza.  
  
'How come you keep saying variations of that?' asked Crash.  
  
'It's for me to know and you to - Coz I feel like it, that's why.'  
  
'Look, there's some snow over there,' said Luigi. 'We can try crawling across the ice to get there.'  
  
'Hey cool,' said Nazza, standing up on all four feet. 'The bright green parts of my paws act as suction cups!'  
  
'Then why did you fall over before?' asked Crash.  
  
'Coz I felt like it, that's why,' replied Nazza. He took a few steps backward, then ran forward and skidded on his side into the snow.  
  
'That was cool,' said Coco.  
  
'I know,' said Nazza. He stood up, walked through the snow and found some stable, non-slip ice. 'This ice is non-slip, come over here.'  
  
'We can't,' said Crash.  
  
'Why not?'  
  
Crash pointed at Luigi, who was trying to swim on the ice but getting nowhere.  
  
'Hey Luigi, you could use some tennis racquets right now eh?'  
  
'Yes,' said Luigi.  
  
'Whoa!' said Nazza. 'There's some tennis racquets stuck in the non-slip ice!'  
  
'But you'll have to break the ice to get to them, won't you?' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'I'm not strong enough to though.'  
  
'I wonder who could help us out?' said Luigi.  
  
Suddenly a purple blur flew down and landed.  
  
'Spyro!' said Nazza.  
  
'Hey Nazza,' said Spyro. 'Need help?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'The other guys -' he pointed to Crash, Coco and Luigi '-need tennis racquets to walk properly on the slippery ice.'  
  
'Sure thing,' said Spyro. He shot a blast of fire at the ice, and it melted away.  
  
It also melted the tennis racquets, but only a bit.  
  
Only so that they were black and a bit deformed.  
  
'Good job, Spyro,' said Nazza. Spyro flew off, and was eaten by a giant ice dragon.  
  
Of course, Nazza, Crash, Coco and Luigi didn't notice. Nazza threw them the six tennis racquets, and Crash and Luigi tied them to their shoes.  
  
'What do we have tennis racquets for?' said Coco. 'Playing tennis won't help.'  
  
Coco noticed Luigi and Crash walking on the tennis racquets that were tied to their shoes.  
  
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco. She stood up on the tennis racquets, but they didn't seem to want to magically rise with her feet.  
  
'Come on, Coco,' said Crash. Him and Luigi had already made it to the small section of snow.  
  
'How did you get the tennis racquets to stick to your feet?' asked Coco.  
  
'We tied them to our shoes with extra shoelace,' said Crash.  
  
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A few minutes on, and they were still walking across the non-slip ice.  
  
'Hey look! That ice looks deformed!' said Luigi. He pointed to the ice, which was in strange little squares.  
  
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'This secret level wasn't put together very well.'  
  
'Why do you say that?' asked Coco.  
  
Nazza pointed to the huge chasm with a small bridge of ice between it.  
  
'Oh, I get it!' said Coco.  
  
They walked over to the bridge, and began walking across it. Suddenly, the ice dragon landed behind them and roared.  
  
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.  
  
They all turned around and saw the dragon. 'What is this dragon doing here?' asked Luigi.  
  
The dragon roared some more. 'It says we can't continue through the secret level!' said Crash.  
  
'Why not?' asked Nazza.  
  
'It says that it will kill us if we do,' said Crash.  
  
'How will it kill us?' said Coco, who was unfazed.  
  
The dragon roared again. 'It's going to freeze us. The dragon's breath create a block of ice around anything it touches.'  
  
Coco stepped forward, and grabbed a frozen stick. 'I'll take care of this,' said Coco.  
  
'But Coco -' said Crash.  
  
'You'll be killed,' said Nazza.  
  
'I don't care,' said Coco. 'Quick, run to the other side!'  
  
Nazza, Crash and Luigi hurried to the other side of the chasm, and watched nervously.  
  
The dragon roared. 'You shall not pass!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down on the bridge.  
  
The dragon roared again. 'You shall not pass!' Coco shouted again. And agian she slammed the stick down on the icy bridge.  
  
'If she keeps slamming that stick down, she's going to crack the ice,' said Nazza.  
  
'I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing,' said Crash.  
  
The dragon roared once more. 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down, and the bridge cracked. The ice dragon, the bridge, and Coco, fell into the chasm.  
  
'Coco!' shouted Nazza.  
  
'Coco!' shouted Crash.  
  
'Ice dragon!' shouted Luigi. 'I mean, chocolate!'  
  
'It's Coco,' said Crash.  
  
'Coco pops!' shouted Luigi.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The three sat on the non-slip ice for some time.  
  
'Why are we so gloomy?' asked Luigi.  
  
'Because Coco fell down the chasm,' said Crash.  
  
'Duh,' said Nazza.  
  
'Oh,' said Luigi. 'I thought it was because of the blizzard that is heading our way.'  
  
'Holy cow!' shouted Crash.  
  
'You shouldn't swear,' said God who was up in heaven.  
  
'Another glitch,' muttered Nazza.  
  
'No, I didn't mean to offend you God,' said Crash, 'but there's a holy cow in that blizzard.'  
  
Crash pointed, and they saw that there was a cow with a halo around its head being swirled around.  
  
'Technically its a tornado,' said Nazza.  
  
'It's a blizzard!' said Luigi.  
  
'No, it's actually a snow tornado,' said God.  
  
'Luigi says it's a blizzard, so it's a blizzard!' said Luigi.  
  
'Whatever,' said God.  
  
'Hey wait don't go -' said Crash.  
  
'Too late,' said God.  
  
'Damn, now we don't have God to save us,' said Crash.  
  
'Darn it,' said Luigi.  
  
Nazza built a small igloo out of snow.  
  
'How'd you do that so fast?' asked Crash.  
  
'While you guys were talking, I found myself an igloo and brought it here.'  
  
'But that's impossible,' said Crash.  
  
'Well, he did it didn't he?' said Luigi.  
  
'Another glitch,' said Nazza. 'I think this level was just a giant glitch. A beta level that they forgot to remove.'  
  
'Most likely,' said Luigi.  
  
'Quick, get in the igloo,' said Nazza.  
  
They stepped into the igloo, and surprisingly, while the snow tornado went past, the igloo stayed put.  
  
'That was close,' said Nazza, looking to check that the tornado had gone.  
  
'We escaped from the snow tornado?' asked Crash.  
  
'BLIZZARD!' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza.  
  
Crash walked out, then shouted 'Holy cow!'  
  
'Not another holy cow,' said Nazza.  
  
'No, not cows, POLAR BEARS!'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They hid in the igloo, hoping the polar bears wouldn't notice. Yeah, like polar bears would just walk past an igloo in the middle of non-slip ice.  
  
The polar bears noticed the igloo, and walked in. Nazza, Crash and Luigi jumped in fright, and cowered in the corner of the igloo. Wait, igloos don't have corners. They cowered on the side of the igloo opposite the bears.  
  
'Don't be scared, we just want directions,' said one of the polar bears.  
  
'Oh, where to?' asked Crash.  
  
'To the ice dragon,' said the polar bear.  
  
'Uh, he fell down the chasm,' said Nazza.  
  
'HE DID? WHO DID IT!'  
  
'Uh, my sister,' said Crash.  
  
'GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRRRR, I KILL YOU!' shouted the polar bear. The three polar bears attacked Nazza, Luigi and Crash.  
  
The polar bears lept at their counterparts, and they all fell against the igloo wall. Except they didn't stop, they actually fell through it and into another glitch world.  
  
'Whoa, this again!' said Luigi.  
  
Suddenly the polar bears were floating helplessly. 'Help us!' shouted the polar bear that had attacked Crash.  
  
'They don't have imaginations,' Nazza concluded. 'We can easily defeat them now!'  
  
'I'll destroy mine first,' said Luigi. He closed his eyes, and suddenly a ghostbusters suit and equipment appeared. Luigi then threw the equipment at his polar bear,and the bear shattered into pieces.  
  
'Why didn't you suck the bear up?' asked Nazza.  
  
'You mean *that's* how they defeat the ghosts?' said Luigi.  
  
'My turn,' said Nazza. He closed his eyes, turned yellow and started firing up.  
  
'Super Saiyan Nazza!' said the polar bear.  
  
'Not quite,' said Nazza. 'It's just Super Nazza, like Super Sonic. Hey, how do you know my name?'  
  
Nazza shot an energy ball at the polar bear and it was destroyed.  
  
'My turn,' said Crash. He closed his eyes, concentrated hard, then...  
  
His polar bear blew up.  
  
'All your imagination, and all you could come up with was blowing him up?' said Nazza.  
  
'well, it worked didn't it,' said Crash.  
  
'I spose so,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hey look! A warp hole!' said Luigi.  
  
'You sure it's not a plothole?' asked Nazza.  
  
'No, it's like a warp pad, except it's a hole,' said Crash. 'Let's go to the next level!'  
  
They floated over to the warp hole, and flew through it... 


	8. 8 Native Fortress

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
This level is exactly the same as The Great Gate/  
Whose Line is it Anyway is a cool show/  
  
[CHAPTER 8: NATIVE FORTRESS]  
They entered the warp hole, and fell to the ground on hard dirt.  
  
'Hey, it wasn't a plothole after all!' said Luigi.  
  
'Of course it wasn't,' said Crash. 'If it was a plothole Coco would be here.'  
  
Suddenly Coco appeared out of nowhere.  
  
(Creepy music)  
  
'Who keeps on playing that creepy music?' asked Luigi.  
  
(Creepy music)  
  
'Found him!' said Crash. He dragged along a guy with a cassette player.  
  
'Don't kill me, I'm just the sound effects guy!'  
  
'Too late,' said Luigi as he sat on him.  
  
'Coco! You're back!' said Crash.  
  
'Yeah,' said Coco.  
  
'Well,' said Nazza, 'tell us how you escaped.'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Do it Coco,' said Crash.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Nazza,' said Crash, 'I'm afraid you're going to have to do the scarily unthinkable.'  
  
Nazza sighed. 'I suppose so. Coco, tell us and I'll kiss you.'  
  
'I can't believe he did that,' whispered Luigi.  
  
'Me either,' Crash whispered back.  
  
'Okay, I'll tell you,' said Coco.  
  
'Hurry up,' said Crash.  
  
'Yeah, we want to see Nazza suffer,' said Luigi.  
  
'Well, I was on the bridge...'  
  
===FLASHBACK===  
  
'I'll take care of this.'  
  
'But Coco -'  
  
'You'll be killed,' said Nazza.  
  
===FAST FORWARD===  
  
'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' shouted Coco. She slammed the stick down, and the bridge cracked. The ice dragon, the bridge, and Coco, fell into the chasm.  
  
'Coco!' shouted Nazza.  
  
'Coco!' shouted Crash.  
  
'Ice dragon!' shouted Luigi. 'I mean, chocolate!'  
  
'It's Coco,' said Crash.  
  
'Coco pops!' shouted Luigi.  
  
'Stupid Luigi,' said Coco as she fell. She looked over and saw the ice dragon falling. 'Uh-oh, it might flame me.'  
  
But somehow, the ice dragon had been killed when the bridge collapsed. Later forensics scientists found out it was a heart attack, caused most likely from Luigi's stupidity.  
  
So Coco fell, and looked down. 'Eventually I'm gonna hit the ground, and I'm gonna die...'  
  
Suddenly a snow tornado went over the crack in the glitchy level, and sucked her back up onto solid ground.  
  
'Now to find a way outta here...'  
  
===END FLASHBACK===  
  
'So how did you get back here?' asked Crash.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza. 'How?'  
  
'I was walking through the level, then suddenly I fell down a plothole and appeared here.'  
  
'Okay,' said Crash.  
  
'Now, about what you said Nazza...' said Coco.  
  
'Uh, I uh never said anything,' said Nazza, sweatdrops appearing on his forehead. 'No, I won't do it, no, get away, AAAAAAARGH!!!'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'That wasn't so bad, was it?' said Luigi jokingly.  
  
'Shut up,' said Nazza, who was sitting on the ground with a pissed-off look on his face.  
  
'I didn't think it was that bad,' said Coco.  
  
'Hey, are we gonna start climbing this giant wall any time soon?' asked Crash.  
  
'No,' said Nazza.  
  
'Why not?'  
  
'I'm still annoyed,' said Nazza.  
  
'I wonder why,' said Luigi.  
  
'Stop rubbing it in,' said Nazza.  
  
'Can we start climbing now?' said Coco.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Well I'm gonna start climbing anyway,' said Crash.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'I'm outta here,' said Luigi.  
  
And he walked away, and fell off the edge of a cliff.  
  
'Whoops,' said Crash. 'Should've warned him about that.'  
  
(Just so know, Luigi, I wasn't ripping you off just then - that would've happened no matter who it was)  
(It just happened to be you)  
  
'Can we start climbing now?' asked Coco.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Do it Nazza,' said Crash.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Coco,' said Crash, 'You know what to do.'  
  
Coco smiled. 'Nazza, let us start climbing or I'll kiss you.'  
  
'Okay, let's start climbing,' said Nazza.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'I still think it would've been easier if we cut out a door,' said Nazza.  
  
'But what if this fell down and collapsed on us?' said Coco. 'Then our faces might end up like Moe's in that episode of the Simpsons where he gets a facelift!'  
  
'Uh, Crash,' said Nazza quietly, 'didn't you tell me a while ago she was living back in the seventies or something?'  
  
'No...why would I say that?'  
  
'I have no idea,' said Nazza.  
  
Suddenly he got an idea. 'Maybe if I shake this thing it will fall, and we won't have to climb all the way up this big wooden fence, and we won't have to climb all the way back down this fence to the warp pad!'  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'Nothing.'  
  
Nazza began shaking at the fence.  
  
'Nazza, what are you doing?' asked Crash.  
  
'Nothing...' said Nazza. He continued shaking the fence, until it was quite noticeably noticeable.  
  
'Nazza, stop it!' said Crash. 'What are you trying to do, get us killed?'  
  
'No...'  
  
'I hope you were being sarcastic,' said Crash.  
  
'I'm the King of Sarcasm!'  
  
Suddenly, the whole fence rumbled, and fell.  
  
'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' BANG '- ow! That hurt!'  
  
'Well of course it will hurt, we just knocked down a fence that was like a million miles high or something,' said Crash.  
  
'But now I got us to the end of the island and D'OH!'  
  
'Ha ha!' said Coco. 'Didn't count on there being *another* wall, did you?'  
  
'Why must you taunt me?' said Nazza. 'Why must you mock me!'  
  
'Coz you look cute when you're in despair,' said Coco.  
  
'I'm over it.'  
  
'Do we start climbing again?' asked Crash.  
  
'I suppose so,' said Nazza. 'I want to get to the end of the island.'  
  
'Why?' asked Coco.  
  
'Because then you say goodbye to me, and I go onto the next island!'  
  
'I see...' said Coco. She began deviously planning a devious plan.  
  
'I hope you're not planning something devious,' said Nazza.  
  
'No...why would you think that?'  
  
'It just popped into my head.'  
  
'I see...' said Coco.  
  
So they began climbing again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'You know,' said Nazza, 'it would've been easier if we'd taken the elevator.'  
  
'Oh, so you wait until we're halfway up the fence before you tell us about the elevator, HUH?' said Coco.  
  
'I'm scared,' Nazza said quietly to Crash. 'Isn't she sposed to like me?'  
  
'It's her time of the month,' Crash replied.  
  
'I see...' said Nazza.  
  
Nazza continued climbing. 'Hey! If we climb over to the elevator and wait, we can hop on it?'  
  
'Oh, so you wait until we're halfway up the fence before you tell us how we can catch the elevator, HUH?'  
  
'How long is she gonna be like this?' whispered Nazza.  
  
'Unfortunately a while,' Crash replied.  
  
So Nazza climbed over to the elevator, waited until it came by and jumped on it. 'Ha ha! I'm on the elevator and you're not!'  
  
'Uh, Nazza, the elevator has to go all the way down before it can come back up,' shouted Crash.  
  
'D'OH!'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As Nazza came back up, he saw Crash and Coco were near the elevator's cable thingy.  
  
'You guys gonna jump onto this platform?' shouted Nazza.  
  
'Nah, we're not, HUH?' shouted Coco.  
  
As he came up, they jumped onto the elevator. 'How much longer do you think it will take?' asked Nazza.  
  
'A few more minutes,' Crash said.  
  
===AN HOUR LATER===  
  
'This definitely isn't a few minutes,' said Crash.  
  
'Yeah, NAZZA! It's not a few minutes, HUH?' said Coco.  
  
'Why do you keep saying HUH?' asked Crash.  
  
'Why do you wanna know, HUH?'  
  
Nazza leant over to Crash and whispered 'I don't know what's worse, Coco when she likes me or Coco when she hates me.'  
  
'Luckily I only have to put up with one,' Crash replied.  
  
'Just you wait, just you wait...'  
  
'You planning on doing something?'  
  
'No...what makes you think that?'  
  
'Hey look!' said Coco. 'We're nearly at the top!'  
  
They arrived at the top and jumped onto a small platform, only just big enough for them all.  
  
'How are we going to get across?' said Nazza, pointing to a bigger platform on the other side of the giant fence, where the warp pad was.  
  
'We go very slowly, so that we don't knock it down,' said Crash. 'Like someone else did just a few minutes ago. Not saying names, *Nazza*.'  
  
'Well there are prop-thingies holding this one up,' said Nazza. 'So we can't knock it down.'  
  
'Don't try knocking it down then.'  
  
'I won't.'  
  
'Okay then.'  
  
Nazza slowly and carefully balanced his way across the giant wooden-pole-steak fence, when a strange animal jumped in front of him acting like a gorilla.  
  
'Get out of my way Colin Mochrie!' shouted Nazza, pushing him off.  
  
He continued walking along, and made it to the warp pad.  
  
Crash and Coco did the same.  
  
Yes, I just can't be bothered describing it to you.  
  
'Let's jump into the warp pad now,' said Coco.  
  
'Where will it take us?' asked Nazza. 'After all, this *is* the last level on this island.'  
  
'It'll take us to the place where the boat is,' said Crash.  
  
So they jumped into the warp pad.  
  
A/N: Hehe no offence to any Colin fans (Colin is actually my favourite "Whose Line is it Anyway?" person)...ok, I couldn't think of anyone to put in as a cameo :S 


	9. 9 New Island

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
"Luigi" guest stars in this fic/  
  
[CHAPTER 9: NEW ISLAND]  
They jumped on the warp pad, and were teleported to a small stretch of beach at the end of the island.  
  
Nazza looked up at the giant volcano and said, 'Hey look! I can see the giant fence!'  
  
'Where?' said Coco.  
  
'It's only like fifty metres away,' said Crash.  
  
'Don't YOU start,' said Coco.  
  
Nazza looked around. 'There's a boat. You guys gonna come with me?'  
  
'Remember what I said?' said Crash.  
  
'When?'  
  
'Way back when we met. I said I'd take you to the end of the island.'  
  
'So that means I have to go on my own from here on in?' asked Nazza.  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'Yep,' said Crash.  
  
===INSIDE THE VOLCANO===  
  
Luigi, who had somehow magically appeared inside the volcano thanks to his...uh...cumquat ability, decided he would agitate the volcano.  
  
'A whole pepper shaker,' said Luigi, shaking the pepper into the volcano. 'Hmm, not big enough.'  
  
He pulled out a giant pepper shaker as big as himself, and began shaking. 'Hehe, now we're cooking.'  
  
The volcano went 'Ah-ah-ah CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'  
  
'Oh no, how will I get out of the volcano now?' said Luigi. 'I will be burnt to a - too late.'  
  
'Look, the volcano's erupting!' shouted Coco.  
  
'It seems wherever you go you cause volcanos or earthquakes or snow tornadoes -'  
  
'BLIZZARD!' shouted Luigi.  
  
'- Whatever,' said Crash.  
  
'Now you have no choice but to come along with me on this boat,' said Nazza, 'or you will go down with this island.'  
  
As the lava flowed down the volcano, destroying several places they had just been to, Nazza, Coco and Crash hopped into the boat and rowed away.  
  
'That was a close one,' said Crash.  
  
'As usual we survived,' said Coco.  
  
'Hang on, where's Luigi?' said Nazza.  
  
The volcano exploded, and they watched as the island slowly sank into the sea.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream -'  
  
'Coco, this really isn't the time,' said Crash, as he looked down at the slightly red water.  
  
'Don't you tell ME to shut up! You wanna fight! Take me on! TAKE ME ON!'  
  
Crash screamed, looked frantically around, then whined 'Oh, there's no escape! I have to spend this trip in a small rowboat with Coco!'  
  
'Hey look, there's another island!' said Nazza.  
  
'Sanctuary, sanctuary!' said Crash. 'How far away is it?'  
  
'It'll take us about four hours to get there.'  
  
'CRAP!'  
  
Crash's statement echoed throughout the ocean.  
  
The boat floated on, guided by - well, guided by nothing. Yet somehow it was heading towards the island, as boats tend to do.  
  
'I'm bored,' said Crash. Behind him a gigantic boat sailed past.  
  
'That looks cool,' said Nazza, looking at the boat. He closed his eyes and started daydreaming about a building collapsing. The gigantic boat hit an iceberg and snapped in two. 'Wow, that daydream was very realistic!'  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'I'm bored,' said Crash.  
  
'Do you know that's the first time anyone's ever said that in any of my fics?' said Nazza.  
  
'Huh?' said Crash.  
  
'Never mind...'  
  
The boat floated on, guided by a rocket-propelled rocket.  
  
Just kidding.  
  
Crash opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped by Nazza. 'If you're about to say what I think you're about to say, then don't say it.'  
  
'Right...'  
  
So the boat floated on, guided by a strange sea monster.  
  
Just kidding.  
  
'How much longer do you think it will take?' asked Crash.  
  
'Probably an hour,' said Nazza.  
  
'Hang on, what's this?' said Coco.  
  
'Oh, that's the engine,' said Crash.  
  
'This is a motorboat?!'  
  
'Yeah, didn't you notice?' said Crash.  
  
'You're telling us we spent all this time waiting for this boat to just float off to the next island, when we could've just started the motor?!'  
  
'Jeez, calm down Nazza,' said Coco.  
  
'I will not calm down! You can't calm me down ever!' Nazza stood up. 'I will not remain calm! I -'  
  
Coco pushed him overboard.  
  
'Good job,' said Crash.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Five minutes later they arrived at the island.  
  
'This place looks pretty neat,' said Crash.  
  
'Where's Nazza?' asked Coco.  
  
They looked around the beach, then Nazza leapt two metres out of the water and landed, wet and annoyed.  
  
'Whoa, how'd you do that?' asked Coco.  
  
'I just swam fifty freaking kilometres to get here,' said Nazza, breathing heavily. 'Don't ever push me out of a boat again.'  
  
'Okay,' said Crash.  
  
'Where are we?' asked Coco.  
  
'Hello over there!' shouted a voice.  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
Nazza pointed at a bandicoot that was standing on the other side of the beach. 'Hello!' the figure shouted. 'Come over here!'  
  
They walked over to the bandicoot. 'Hello, I will be your guide,' she said.  
  
'Huh?' said Coco.  
  
'My name's Robin, and I will be your guide.'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'I will -'  
  
'Don't worry about her, she's got head cancer if you know what I mean,' said Nazza.  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'What is this new island called?' asked Crash.  
  
'It's called New Island,' said Robin.  
  
'Really,' said Nazza. 'How many levels are there?'  
  
'About eight,' said Robin. 'But there aren't any bosses.'  
  
'Sweet,' said Crash.  
  
'Are there secret levels?' asked Coco.  
  
'Huh?' said Robin.  
  
'Hey look, the sun's setting!' said Crash. 'Well Guide Lady, I think we'll just hang out on this beach until tomorrow.'  
  
'Okie dokie.'  
  
Crash ran on the sand, and lay down, pulling out his Discman.  
  
'Nazza, you want to come with me?' said Coco.  
  
'Uh, no, I think I'll go for a swim.' Nazza jumped in the water and shot off as fast as the motorboat. When the motor was on, not when it was off. 


	10. The Masks of AkuAku

Crash Bandicoot meets Nazza  
  
N.B. Crash Bandicoot and all related Crash stuff belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony/  
  
Nazza is my own creation (obviously)/  
  
[CHAPTER 10: MASKS OF AKU AKU]  
  
Nazza reached the shore and looked up at the moon. Resisting the urge to howl, he looked around. 'Good. Coco's asleep.' He wandered onto the sand, then curled up and fell asleep.  
  
The next day he woke up to find Crash swimming and Coco running around the beach like a madman.  
  
'Hey Nazza!' said Crash. 'Come and have a swim!'  
  
'I had a good enough swim yesterday,' said Nazza. 'When are we going to leave and go into the first level?'  
  
'Right now if you want,' said Crash.  
  
'Okay.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Two hours later they walked over to the path in the middle of the small beach that was surrounded by forest.  
  
'Where does this path go?' asked Coco.  
  
Suddenly Robin popped up. 'This path goes to the...uh...place.'  
  
'Place?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Robin. 'It's like before any of the levels.'  
  
'The Practice Stage?' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah...' said Robin. 'That's probably it...'  
  
So they walked along the path and came to a cave. Inside the cave was Aku Aku.  
  
'Aku Aku!' said Crash. 'What are you doing in here?'  
  
'I'm here for a reason,' said Aku Aku.  
  
'What reason?' asked Coco.  
  
'How should I know?'  
  
Nazza looked around. 'What are those masks?'  
  
'Oh yeah, that's why I'm here,' said Aku Aku. 'Here are three masks.'  
  
'What do they do?' asked Crash.  
  
Aku Aku used his psychic powers to make them float. 'Each one is a mask of a different character.'  
  
The first one floated forward. 'This is the mask of Aku Aku. That's me. It can be used as sort of added protection.'  
  
'Like in the games,' said Nazza.  
  
'Yeah...' The next mask floated forward. 'This is the mask of Crash.'  
  
'That's me.'  
  
'When the mask-wearer wears this mask, they turn into their Psyco forms.'  
  
'Don't you mean Psycho?'  
  
'Nope.'  
  
'Hey!' said Crash. 'How come *I* have to be the Psyco one?'  
  
'Because you just are,' Aku Aku replied. The last mask floated forward. 'This is the mask of Nazza.'  
  
'That's me.'  
  
'No it isn't Crash, now shut up. When the mask-wearer wears this mask, they turn into their Inferno forms.'  
  
'Inferno form?'  
  
'Exactly.'  
  
'Can we try out the masks?' asked Crash.  
  
'Sure.'  
  
'Hey, how come I don't have a mask?' asked Coco.  
  
'Because you're just crap.'  
  
'HUH?!?'  
  
'Nothing.'  
  
Crash walked over to his mask and picked it up. 'Feels heavy.'  
  
'Just shut up and put on the mask,' said Aku Aku.  
  
Crash put it on, and suddenly began spinning uncontrollably. 'What's - happening - to - me?!?'  
  
'It's transforming you,' said Aku Aku.  
  
When Crash stopped spinning he was red glowing green, and had guns latched to his arms. 'AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'  
  
'Do you really think it was right to give Psyco Crash some guns, seeing as he is psycho?'  
  
'Oh well, too late now,' said Aku Aku as Crash unleashed his weaponry ammo on the cave.  
  
'You gonna try yours on, Nazza?' Coco asked.  
  
'Not yet,' he replied.  
  
'Try it! Try it! TryTryTryTryTryTry!' shouted Psyco Crash.  
  
'Did you purposely make Psyco Crash act like a kid on sugar steroids?' Coco asked.  
  
'I was out of ideas,' said Aku Aku. 'Making him go crazy was an obvious thing to do.'  
  
'You've created a monster,' said Nazza.  
  
'Like Sextein!' said Luigi.  
  
Coco jumped four feet into the air (even though she only has two feet), nearly scared to death. 'What the hell are you doing here?'  
  
'I followed you here,' said Luigi.  
  
'Tell us about it,' said Coco. 'But not now.'  
  
'When?'  
  
'Later.'  
  
'As I was saying, you've created a monster!'  
  
'Like Sextein!' Luigi added.  
  
'Who the hell is Sextein,' said Aku Aku.  
  
'Shadow4ever,' said Luigi.  
  
'Yeah,' said Nazza.  
  
'Who the hell is he?' said Coco. 'Never heard of him in your life.'  
  
'Good work,' Nazza replied, patting her on the shoulder. 'Good work.'  
  
Suddenly Crash smashed through the cave wall. 'Great,' said Aku Aku. 'I finally get this place up and running and Crash ruins it.'  
  
'He's not as bad as Sextein,' said Luigi.  
  
'Will you shut up about Sextein!?!' said Coco.  
  
Luigi thought about that for a while, then said 'No.'  
  
Meanwhile, Crash was running around the beach, spinning randomly and jumping into the water, only to jump out, spin himself dry and jump back in.  
  
'Where's Crash?' Coco asked.  
  
'That was a pointless question,' said Nazza.  
  
'It's obvious he's off with Tawna,' said Luigi.  
  
'I have a quest for you four,' said Aku Aku.  
  
'Three,' Coco corrected. 'Crash is still gone.'  
  
'Anyway, there's a path outside this cave, follow it to the first level of New Island.'  
  
'Okay,' said Nazza. 'We'll do it tomorrow.'  
  
So it was that they spent the rest of that day on the beach, laughing at Crash and his stupid, stupid ways, and so it was that that night they fell asleep.  
  
'And so it was that the author developed a queer way of narrating,' said Nazza.  
  
Shut up. 


End file.
